I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
