She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm bleeding and have questions
My feet surprised me
Randomize
