Life is so much better after having sex.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
