Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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