when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
