You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
