Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
