Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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