I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
