Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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