Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
