1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
