i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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