My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
