i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
