I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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