Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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