yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
