you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
