I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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