I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
