It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
