i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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