I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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