I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
