it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
