she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
