I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
