OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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