you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
