I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
