Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
