I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
