if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
