Porn is love you can see.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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