I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
