I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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