where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
