how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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