Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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