I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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