I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
