Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
