he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
