ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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