i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is wine microwaveable?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
