i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
