I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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