i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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