I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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