found the other keg... it's in the tree
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
