Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
