Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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