OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
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His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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