i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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