do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
