oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
