I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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