hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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