The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
