I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
