I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
