i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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