I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
