he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
