just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
