Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
