So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
